Life Snapshot

Before moving to Germany, I asked my American friends if they were happy living in Europe. I didn’t ask for all of the reasons why or extenuating detail. I simply asked, “Are you happy living in Europe?” I imagined creating a still snapshot, a polaroid that could capture a picture of joy. I thought it might be useful if I were to do this for our family. Not a measure of joy, per se, but just a snapshot of our educational life. 

Part of the reason I wanted to start writing again is because I feel so deeply that a knowledge of educational principles has added to my happiness. But trying to sum up the past 22 years of why won’t be extremely accurate without copious reference to my old journals and papers. Because memory is fallible and we “see through a glass, darkly.” I also knew that if I waited until all of my children were grown, I would lose some of the perspective of what it’s like to trip over muddy sneakers or to finally sit down and immerse myself in Jane Austen…only to realize at 5:55 PM that I completely forgot to make dinner. Again. A snapshot view might help capture moments of why.

So, snap, us right now: our seven children range in age from 8 years old to 22. Lately, I find my mind focused on my adult children. Recently, my oldest, married daughter had her first child, my 2nd daughter returned home from a year and a half abroad, and my 3rd daughter moved away to college. I’ve been thinking of my role with them. I’ve been thinking about how a mother’s role changes when her at-home children are in different stages, which led me to think about my relationship with my grown-up children. I am still thinking about it, but if I had to sum up right now my role with my adult daughters it might be that I am an older and more experienced best girlfriend. I love to hear all they are up to, cheer them on, and just be there for them.

I’m so happy for my oldest daughter. Holding my first grandchild was a definite milestone. I am looking forward to discovering myself in this new role. I love rejoicing with my daughter in her new role of mother! My 2nd daughter just returned from 18 months in Tahiti. I’m loving catching up on her daily life and trying to immerse myself as much as I can in her experience. She was a missionary for our church, and there are so many experiences and structured lifestyle habits that I want to absorb. Such as learning some of her amazing language-learning skills! She learned both Tahitian and French while she was in Tahiti. I am dusting off my French and trying to see where it fits in my life right now. For my third daughter, adjusting to college life, I spend lots of time hearing about how she is progressing on her goals. My daughters are my best friends. I’m so grateful to have them and be involved in their lives, even if it is largely over the phone. 

With my younger ones, we’ve been on a German-language-learning kick. Living in Germany for over two years now, we have a good handle on our lives as Americans living in a foreign country. We’ve learned most of the ways we need to adjust our patience and ways we can expect to hasten as life has a different pace here. We love it. Right here, right now, raising our children in Germany is the opportunity of a lifetime. 

My boys are great with technology, and we have been experimenting with AI. We’ve spent a lot of time discussing wise usage of it, how to make it a tool rather than a servant, and testing its capabilities. We’ve been trying to come up with a human analogy, like a type of person you are talking to when you chat with it, but are realizing it is more wise to just think of it as what it is: a tool that will answer you very literally, based on the information available to it, and not be able to give you any insights that require expert thought. If you don’t ask a question in just the right way, you could have some very important details overlooked. So keeping the brain ‘on’ is the best usage of AI. 

For myself, I have been experimenting with aligning my activities better with my circadian rhythms. I am sleeping less, changing up my routines, trying to maximize my energy levels. I’m writing again! (Voila.) I refreshed my wardrobe for the fall. My younger tween daughter and I redesigned her bedroom after her older sister moved out. I love designing homes for learning and efficiency, but I also feel like the aesthetics can help us cement the story we want to live. It’s been fun to discover my youngest daughter’s personal style.

Though I want this post to be more a snapshot of my mom-life right now, I also have been asking myself if I am happy right now. Am I happy? Yes! Am I happy I left my dream home in the states and moved to an apartment? Yes! I am loving the low-maintenance lifestyle of it. I love the time it gives me to allot my time to be consistent with my values: spending time with God, family, and on my health. I love seeing my husband work hard at a job he loves and finds rewarding. I am happy with the fruits of my labor as a mother. I love seeing my older daughters flourish as adults and my younger ones grow in independence. 

We’ve been asking our second daughter to give family prayers in Tahitian. Besides the gospel words that are borrowed from English, there is one word that I understand: mahana. It’s the name of the character in the old movie Johnny Lingo. Johnny Lingo is about a woman who is seen by her village as ugly and of little importance. She marries a man who values her. Because of his love, she sees herself differently. After giving her an expensive wedding gift, she tells her husband that she wishes she had a gift for him. He replies, “Your gift to me can be seen by all who look at you,” meaning she now displays her inner beauty through her outer beauty. 

When I assess our family, I hope that it’s not the coolness of “we live in Europe” that comes to mind (though I thank the Lord every day for the opportunity). I hope it’s what we’re learning and who we’re becoming. I know that from my perspective, when I see other families focus on character education and give family-based skills priority, it comes across. It isn’t measurable in numbers, just as joy can’t be measured in numbers. My daughter told me in Tahitian, mahana usually means day, but can refer to warmth, heat, or light. Value can be seen by anyone with enough light to look for it.